Flashes of the Past
by Midna3452
Summary: Tired of the constant visits to Earth after helping Nathaniel successfully thwart the Golem rampaging through London, Bartimaeus finally decides to give the boy a piece of his mind. However, when he finds Nathaniel in a surprising state, unexpected memories begin to surface... memories of a former master who was also a kid in way over his head.


**A/N: This story takes place between _The Golem's Eye _and _Ptolemy's Gate_ and was written for the 2019 Bartimaeus Zine, _Millennia_. Check it out here: ** post/189856191281/millennia-a-bartimaeus-sequence-fanzine

**Footnotes can be found at the bottom of the fic.**

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**Flashes of the Past**

Another master, another mission, another countless number of months on Earth. So is my life, century after century. I'm not sure why I thought this time would be different, but for whatever reason… I did. (1)

The kid was smart, definitely, but also young- and that meant he was easily influenced by his peers. (2) He'd already had some of that haughty British magician air the first time he'd summoned me a few years ago, but I could see that he wasn't totally corrupt yet. He was certainly getting there, though. The arrogance seeped further into him each day, and it most clearly presented itself in the type of missions he sent me on.

At first, they were standard- protect him during an important party, watch over his room as he slept, deliver a secret message only one person is meant to see. As the months went on, however, the tasks began to change. It was no longer "pick up this secret relic for Internal Affairs," but "go pick up some crisps from the shop while I do some paperwork."

Honestly, I was getting a little put-out.

It was during one such task that I resolved to give the boy a piece of my mind once I got back to him. I'd been sent to buy some lunch (3) and was expected back within the hour. I wasn't worried about being a little late, though; since I knew the boy's birth name, his "punishments" were mostly empty threats (4). Although, based on his increasing paranoia and twitchiness, I wondered if they were going to stay that way.

Finally, I made it to the counter and ordered, adding an extra special topping much to the horror of the cashier- hopefully, a preview of Nathaniel's future reaction. As usual, the boy was very careful to give me very clear, explicit instructions, but I was still the best at finding loopholes. In this case, he'd told me what type of sandwich he wanted and "not to put anything else on it that he didn't like." As unconventional as my final choice of topping was, I knew for a fact that the boy liked it, so therefore I was technically in the clear.

I left the shop and turned into a crow at my first opportunity, the foil-wrapped sandwich clutched in my claws. My disguise was so good that to my mild annoyance, a few other crows thought I was bringing them a fresh meal and tried to snatch the sandwich from me mid-flight. I scared them off with a loud caw that shook the windows on a nearby house and was left alone for the remainder of my trip.

When I arrived at Nathaniel's room, I found the window shut- odd, since he always kept it open for me when I went out to retrieve food. I threw the sandwich into the air and skillfully caught it in my beak, then landed on the windowsill and peered in, checking the area on all planes just to be safe. I couldn't sense anything amiss on planes two through seven, but on the first is where I saw Nathaniel, sitting on the bed with his knees curled up to his chest. His ridiculously tight coat was thrown haphazardly on the floor- the first sign that something was wrong. (5)

I tapped on the glass with my beak and the boy jerked so violently he nearly fell off the bed. I tilted my head questioningly, watching him with a beady black eye. I saw the recognition (6) wash over his face as he looked from my current form to the sandwich. Slowly, as if in a daze, he got off the bed and walked to the window. He unlatched the bolt and, after looking all around as if someone were waiting to strike him down the second his focus wavered, he opened the window just enough for me to squeeze through.

In one singular motion, I dropped the sandwich onto his desk and shifted into Ptolemy's form, forgoing the usual Egyptian garb in favor of the modern outfit I wore when blending in with the humans. I turned back to Nathaniel to see him muttering and gesturing at the now-locked window, and a few seconds later a green nexus appeared on the third plane, providing another layer of protection to seal off the room from the outside world. The boy turned around, noticed me casually leaning against the desk, and nearly jumped out of his skin for the second time.

"My oh my, Natty boy, what's gotten into_ you_?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as the boy pressed a hand over his heart as if the gesture would help calm his rapid pulse. "You're so… jumpy."

The boy glared at me, which at least showed that he was thinking clearer. He didn't respond for a few seconds, looking as though he was deciding whether to actually tell me anything- an important choice to make. The more information he gave me, the more I could potentially use against him, and vice versa. This is one of the many reasons why magicians didn't tend to be friendly with the spirits they enslaved. (7)

Eventually, Nathaniel cleared his throat and explained, staring at the floor, "While you were gone, I decided to go for a walk in the nearby park and while I was there… an attempt was made on my life."

My eyes widened. "_What_?!"

"You heard me." Nathaniel snapped his gaze to mine, eyes still narrowed with both anger and residual fear.

"I meant 'what' as in 'what a bold thing to do, in broad daylight with a bunch of potential witnesses,'" I clarified, and the boy's glare deepened. Well, that certainly explained his previous curled-up position and the locked window. "What happened, did someone throw an elemental sphere at you? Try and drop a rock on your head from the roof?"

"No." Nathaniel sighed, looking at the floor again. "Something attacked me that wasn't visible on the first three planes- I don't know what it was, before you ask, obviously I couldn't see it. I barely made it back inside before a blast almost hit me." He wrapped his arms around himself, shivering despite the cozy warmth of the bedroom.

I stared at him, finding myself unable to shoot back a witty retort. The expression on his face was just so… vulnerable. At that moment, he looked every bit the scrawny, inexperienced child he truly was. As much as he pretended to be one of the self-important government magicians, in reality he was just a fourteen-year-old boy way out of his league.

"Why didn't you summon me?" I asked, curious. Usually, when a magician is under attack their first response is to summon the most powerful spirit under their command- which in this case was me, of course.

Nathaniel blinked at me as if I'd slapped him across the face. "I… didn't think of it."

"Well, did you at least shoot back a counter-spell and give the guy a run for his money?"

"Er… no."

"Wait- you got attacked and just _hid in your room_?!" The expression on my face twisted into one of disbelief. The kid was brilliant and had been in much more perilous situations than what he'd just described; I couldn't understand why his first instinct had been to shut himself in his room and hope no one would find him.

"I locked the door and windows!" Nathaniel said defensively, still clutching his arms around himself. "And I put a protective spell on the door. I just… I don't know. It didn't occur to me to summon you. Or try to fight back. I just wanted to get away."

"Your mistake," I said with a shrug. And then, a thought occurred to me, a slow smile spreading across my face. "You know, if you didn't send me out to do frivolous things like get you sandwiches, I'd already be around if something like this happens again… which it definitely will."

I expected the boy to agree, maybe with a bit of fussing, but eventually realizing that my logic was infallible. However, Nathaniel didn't seem to hear me. He'd begun to shiver again, eyes unfocused, presumably reliving the many times that he'd almost met an unfortunate end at the hands of powers beyond his control.

With a sigh, I picked up the sandwich and threw it, catching it in my hand.

"Hey," I said, and when the boy looked at me, I lodged the sandwich directly at his face. He instinctively smacked it away just before it hit him square in the nose, to my dismay. (8) It made a light squelching sound as it landed on the floor. "Look, Nat, I'm sure you know this, but a magician's life is full of paranoia. At least with me, you _know_ what you're dealing with. How about we make a new deal?"

"I'm not about to make _deals_ with you, Bartimaeus, especially without a pentacle to bind the agreement," the boy quipped, finally uncrossing his arms, a bit of his usual pompousness returning.

"Relax, it's for both our benefits!" I flashed a grin. "How's about you stop sending me out to buy you lunch, and then I'll be nearby the next time someone tries to take your head off; sound good?"

His jaw clenched at the mention of another threat to his life, but he tried his best to hide the fear, pushing it back down beneath the cold façade all government magicians wear. He thought for a moment, presumably trying to figure out what sort of trick I was playing, before giving a resigned sigh.

"Alright, fine; you can stay by my side, at least for a little bit," he relented.

"Gee, you make it sound so _wonderful_," I said with a roll of my eyes. The point wasn't to be glued to him at the hip, the point was _not_ to be sent on tasks such as acquiring food… but I could tell the boy was still too shaken up to understand my logic. (9) I gestured to the now-slightly-squished sandwich. "Eat that; part of your shock is probably because you skipped breakfast again. Hey, don't glare at me when I speak the truth!"

The boy pursed his lips, obviously holding back a retort, but amazingly listened to my suggestion and reached down to pick up the sandwich. He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, slowly unwrapping the tin foil. He paused mid-action of bringing the sandwich up to his mouth.

"…This is what the rest of my life is going to be like, isn't it?" he asked to no one in particular, voice soft and trembling.

"I've already said yes," I said, feeling it was as though it was my duty to respond. (10)

"Just waiting for the next attack… always on edge… Is this what it's going to be like forever?" He looked at me then, eyes wide and questioning as though I had all the answers, and suddenly I wasn't looking at Nathaniel anymore.

The boy in front of me was one I'd known years ago, a boy full of optimism and love and _trust_, and who, on rare occasions, would forget his true self and ask me the same thing:

"_Will it always be like this?"_ _He wondered, his frail body more prone to weariness than ever. "Will I always be wondering when the next attack will come? Will I never know peace again?"_

"_It will never be easy,"_ _I responded, gently placing a hand on his head, and to an outsider it looked like the Royal Vizier giving his young master some comfort. To the both of us, however, it was something much more. _ "_But you _can _know peace, because I will be by your side always." _

_He smiled, and it was like the sun breaking through the clouds. "Thank you, Rekhyt."_

I blinked, and Nathaniel was in front of me once more.

"Oh, I don't know why I bother asking _you_ these stupid questions," he was saying, a bit of color returning to his cheeks. He seemed to be coming back to himself, realizing his moment of weakness. (11)

I closed my eyes, willing myself back to the present; now was not the time to reminisce. The boy in front of me was _not _Ptolemy and never would be. They were completely different in every way.

And yet, deep down, there was _something _in Nathaniel that brought back flashes of memories just like this. It didn't happen often, but when it did, it left my mind fuzzy. I shook my head and refocused on Nathaniel just in time to see him finally take a bite of the sandwich in his hands. He chewed absently for a few seconds, before his face scrunched up in disgust and he spat the chewed-up mound onto the floor- and, conveniently, right onto his fancy coat.

"Ugh! What is… is there _banana _on here?!" he exclaimed, turning to me with eyes full of fire. My lips curled up in a toothy smile and the responding expression on his face fully snapped me into the present. (12)

"You told me not to put anything you didn't like on it," I responded with a shrug. "You often eat a banana for an afternoon snack, so I thought I'd save you the trouble and combine the two meals."

"That's _disgusting!" _

I put a hand to my heart, looking offended. "I was being _thoughtful!"_

"You were _not, _you conniving_ demon_!"

"Now, now, no need for the insults, Nat-"

"And it's gotten all over my _coat, _oh_ no_…"

"Hey, that was _your _fault." The boy glared daggers at me. "You should watch where you spew your food."

"Ugh, I'm never sending you to the chip shop _again,"_ he huffed, wrapping the remainder of the sandwich back up. He made to put it in the trash bin, then after a split-second's thought promptly turned and threw it directly at me.

I caught it skillfully in my hand with a laugh and flashed him another grin. That deal worked just fine for me.

* * *

1\. Maybe it was my unbridled optimism, or maybe it was just the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that the boy still had_ some_ semblance of good left in him. Either way, a stupid notion on my part.

2\. This influence was already in full effect, if his stunningly bad fashion choices were anything to go by.

3\. A tuna sandwich this time, with an array of toppings that we'll come back to later on.

4\. He _had_ tried a few magical attacks on occasion, the most notable being a few weeks earlier, in which he sent a bolt of crippling fire my way. I swiftly returned the spell with a whisper of his name, which the boy unfortunately dodged and caused a small fire on his nightstand. He promptly had a panic attack and frantically doused the fire before it could spread, and since then he hasn't tried anything else magically-inclined to harass me.

5\. On one memorable occasion a few days after buying the stupidly expensive coat, I'd seen the boy use himself as a human umbrella and shield the garment rather than let it get a smidge of rainwater on it, so seeing it on the chalk-dusted floor was mildly alarming.

6\. And was that a hint of _relief_? Surely, I was misinterpreting his pathetic expression.

7\. That and, well, the whole "enslavement against our will" thing in general tends to put a damper on potential friendships before they can begin.

8\. Although I was admittedly impressed by the maneuver; it was reminiscent of an ancient karate move I'd seen during one of my stints in Asia a few centuries ago.

9\. Really, the _ideal_ situation was that I could be released to the Other Place and never have to set eyes on that pitiful face again, but based on the recent pattern of events, I knew that any reprieve I got would be brief until the boy was no longer able to summon me… which, most likely, would be when he met his ultimate fate- a scenario which probably wouldn't happen for quite a long time, knowing the boy's annoying knack for staying alive.

10\. Rhetorical question or not, I didn't want to boy to feel ashamed for talking to himself. Besides, I'm always up for giving helpful advice when I can.

11\. In front of a djnni, of all creatures; I'm sure he was equal parts terrified and embarrassed- well, probably more embarrassed, knowing I could pull this memory out at any time when he needed to be put in his place.

12\. It was a familiar look of contempt and exasperation- an expression that I'd seen many magicians sport over the years, but Nathaniel's face seemed built just for it.


End file.
